Chick Fight
by Ashari
Summary: There are some new Homunculi in town, wearing the names of their predecessors, and when General Mustang takes it upon himself to investigate, he gets caught in the crossfire. But there's a reason you never cross a woman...Oneshot.


**Disclaimers:** Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, Roy Mustang, and Fullmetal Alchemist in general are copyrighted by Hiromu Arakawa, SquareEnix and Studio BONES. This fic is for entertainment purposes only and is not in any way associated with these groups. The characters of Lust and Sloth in this peice are not the Lust and Sloth from the manga or anime, but characters of my own creation who bear the same name. Oh, and...this is rated T for some language. . 

* * *

_Snap._

BOOM!

The spark generated from the rubbing of the ignition-cloth was all that was needed, that and a bit of energy circulated through the transmutation circle on the glove. Another explosion rocked the abandoned warehouse. Flames seared the air; debris and dust flew everywhere.

And still she kept on coming.

The woman's dress was a replica of her predecessor's—low-cut, revealing, form-fitting, ankle-long, and accompanied by gloves that were marked with the red circles and lines, one of the brands of a Homunculus. The dress had been burned and singed, torn and shredded again and again during the course of the fight, but somehow, the clothes regenerated as if they were a part of the woman's flesh.

_Slash!_

General Mustang ducked, narrowly avoiding losing his head to the monster's claws. She was still in mid-fall as she retracted her nails, took aim, and lanced another vicious swipe.

Mustang tucked into a roll, biting back a cry as one of her nails sliced into his shoulder. Not for the first time, he flashed back to the last time he had battled a Homunculus, when he had been locked in deadly combat with Fuhrer King Bradley. Then, as now, he had been covered in slash and stab wounds, panting heavily, and bleeding profusely.

He pulled himself swiftly to his feet, peering with his one good eye through the clouded air. The _clack-clack_ of her high-heels announced her presence before her form materialized out of the dust.

The monster's clothes, and the fact that she had a supple, voluptuous figure to match a gorgeous face, were the only things that made her look similar to her predecessor. She looked to be a girl of only fifteen or sixteen. Her complexion was unnaturally pale and slightly grayish, like a freshly-dead corpse, but it somehow didn't detract from her ethereal beauty. The young woman's hair was an obnoxiously bright shade of fuchsia, and reached the middle of her back in tight, crimped waves. Her smirk was too wide for a human face, and the expression in her violet, serpentine eyes had a definite edge of psychosis to it.

"Do you know my name _now_, General?" she purred, bloodthirsty glint never leaving her eyes.

Despite his blood loss and fatigue, Mustang forced one of his trademark smirks onto his face. "You're Lust, I presume?" He gave a half-chuckle. "Funny. I had heard that the woman of that name was a _woman_, not a girl."

She was not slighted in the least. The magenta-haired monster merely tilted her head at him, her grin widening impossibly. "That was the _old_ Lust," she stated as if speaking to a simpleton. "I'm the new one."

"And a bad one at that."

The seeming-teenager's crimped hair bounced as her head whipped towards the source of the voice. She gave a curdling scowl. "Excuse me?"

"You're a replica. A replica of a replica. A walking shadow. A poor player." The bearer of the voice emerged from under the shadow of a chunk of fallen wall, meeting Lust's acid glare with an impudent smirk.

Mustang's good eye widened at the sight of the newcomer, and he could swear that even the bad eye covered by the patch followed suit. The girl who materialized from the shadows was shorter, thinner, and possessed less prominent curves than Lust, but a certain quality to her face and voice marked her as slightly older. She was clad all in navy blue; she had navy-blue platform boots that reached up to her thighs, navy blue gloves that engulfed her arms to the shoulders, a navy blue miniskirt that hugged her slim hips, and a navy blue, spaghetti-strapped tank top that accentuated what curves she possessed. The hem of the miniskirt was short enough, and the tops of the boots tall enough, to leave just a glimpse of bare flesh on each thigh. However, the stringy straps of her shirt left enough exposed skin on her shoulders to reveal a marking on the right one—a blood-red serpent biting its own tail. Red lines ran down the length of her gloves, ending with circles on the tops of the hands. The lines also traveled down both boots and ended with circles on the tops of her feet. The young woman's eyes were purple in hue, and had vertical pupils like a serpent. The Flame Alchemist stiffened, shifting his weight into a slightly more defensive stance. Another Homunculus. He was outnumbered.

"'A poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more.'" For that sentence, the young woman had suddenly switched to a keening, mocking, dramatic tone. She paused, letting the silence hang in the air, trying not to chortle at the fuchsia-haired Sin's burning scowl and Mustang's utterly unimpressed look.

"What? You two have never read _Macbeth_? What's _wrong_ with you? Honestly. Is there no more culture in this country? Sheesh." Her smirk looked wide enough to tear her ears off.

"And you are?"

"Envy thought it would be a grand joke to call me Sloth," she bounced off of Lust's seething demand immediately, her flippant tone never leaving her.

"Envy?" The two young womens' heads turned towards Mustang. "The old one or a new one?" Edward had said that he was dead, transmuted to the Gate as a fee for the alchemist's passage.

"The old one," Sloth answered without missing a beat. "You look surprised, General. You thought that he could be killed simply by being fed to the Gate? You really shouldn't underestimate the resourcefulness and wile of a four-hundred-year-old monster."

"Where do you get off calling _him_ a monster? _You're_ a Homunculus, too." Lust's scowl was fierce, but her voice had a quality resembling an indignant, slightly spoiled teenager.

"Indeed. I've never heard of a Homunculus with such disdain for her own kind."

"What, what?" Sloth raised her voice defensively, grinning all the while. "What's with ganging up on me all of a sudden?" She turned her grin towards Mustang. "Don't you worry about it, General. Believe it or not, I'm on _your_ side." She gave him a cheery wink.

"_Excuse_ me?" Lust repeated, more indignant than ever. "What is _wrong_ with you? What kind of Homunculus are you, anyway?"

The blue-clad young woman closed her eyes, her smirk becoming soft and enigmatic. She said nothing.

"And you're too…_hyper_ to be Sloth," Lust finished with a scoff.

Sloth's eyes snapped open, and she gave the magenta-haired Sin a knavish grin. "But _you_ fit the part of Lust completely. All you have going for you are your claws and your jugs."

Lust's mouth dropped open. "_Excuse me_?" she repeated her favorite phrase. "Say that to my face, you little skank."

Mustang took a step back.

Sloth's smirk widened. She took a step towards Lust, her stance straight-backed and challenging. "Skank? Oho. _That's_ ironic from someone who looks like a classless whore."

"Oh you did _not_ just call me a whore."

"I think I did, rather."

Mustang took another step back.

"You wanna make fun of my jugs?" Lust cupped her breasts with both hands, pushing upward flauntingly and flashing Sloth a slightly psychotic smirk. "At least I _have_ boobs."

"No, you have _water balloons_. If _all_ of you weren't fake already, I'd wonder if those things were silicon. As for what _I_ have…" She gestured to her chest, her fingertips never touching her skin. "I'd say it's worth speaking of, and that's enough."

Mustang continued to back up. Neither Homunculus noticed his slow retreat.

"Fake?!" Lust seethed. "You flat-chested slut! How dare _you_ call me fake?!"

"How dare I?" Sloth echoed coolly, smirking all the while. "Because it's true, that's how."

Lust was bristling now. She crossed the distance between the two of them, her high heels clacking angrily on the warehouse floor. She stopped inches from Sloth and pushed her face towards the other girl's. Sloth could see the magenta-haired girl's nostrils flaring in rage.

"Say that to my face. I dare you."

Had she been human, Sloth's grin really _would_ have torn her ears off.

"You're a fake, big-breasted bimbo."

Lust's claws flashed.

They seemed to pass through thin air, as even though Sloth was right in front of her, Lust's attack did not meet its mark. The shorter young woman merely stood there, still giving Lust that gigantic, mocking grin. Lust tried again; her nails extended from her fingers, morphing into razor-sharp blades in the blink of an eye before shrinking back into her hands.

This time, Mustang could see it. The moment Lust took a swipe at Sloth, Sloth's form changed. In place of the girl stood a silhouette made of liquid, but as soon as Lust's nails retracted, the watery visage was gone and replaced once more by the girl. Splashes of water now decorated the floor in the wake of Lust's attacks.

"Keep on trying, skankwad. You won't hit jack diddly."

Lust looked positively enraged now. She began to slash with reckless abandon, throwing both arms into it. All ten fingers stabbed and slashed, sliced and diced, but were met with nothing but the same fluid.

By this time, Mustang had made it to the door, but instead of escaping, he stood transfixed by the fight. Sloth had definitely been provoking Lust on purpose and not simply out of spite. She had said she was on _his_ side. Had she deliberately paved the path for his escape?

"Mustang!"

Roy whirled, eye widening as two young men trotted up to the warehouse. Both had long blond ponytails, but one's hair was a darker, more brunette shade than his brother's gold. Edward was garbed once more in the outfit he had been wearing on his return from Germany. Behind him flashed the red of Alphonse's coat; he was again wearing clothing that mimicked Ed's old outfit.

"Fullmetal!" Mustang hissed, trying desperately not to attract the attention of the two women duking it out inside. He threw an arm out to block the doorway. "Don't!"

"Are you okay, General?" Alphonse asked worriedly, marking the fact that Roy was riddled with wounds and bloodstains.

"Mustang, what happened?" Edward demanded. "You look like ass. Been taking on Homunculi again?"

"Brother, look." Al had noticed the battling Sins within the warehouse, and following Mustang's lead, his voice was lowered.

Ed's eyes widened. "What the…" He moved forward to get a better look at the fray, not caring that Roy's arm stopped him in his tracks. "A new Sloth too?"

"It appears so," Mustang whispered. "I suggest we stay out of it."

"Mustang." When Ed turned his golden eyes on his former commanding officer, they were hard with unyielding determination. "This new Lust murdered several people in Central and West City. We can't just ignore that."

"Edward." The younger man blanched. Mustang _never_ called him by his first name. "Trust me, you _don't_ want to interfere."

Sloth stepped back from the other Sin, laughing. "Aw, look at that." She cast a look around the warehouse floor, which was becoming decorated with droplets and small puddles. "You got bits of me all over the place!"

"Why don't you just DIE?!" _Slash, slash, slash!_

"Sorry, babe, can't oblige!"

At these last words, Sloth's voice became distorted and broken. The reason for this was clear, as she had shed all pretense of a human form and turned completely to liquid.

The watery silhouette began to swirl, turning into a pillar that rose forty feet into the air as it rotated faster and faster. The puddles scattered all across the ground slithered towards the column of water, giving it strength and making it grow.

Lust's eyes bulged.

Roy's, Ed's and Al's eyes bulged.

The swirling maelstrom arched over Lust's head and crashed down on top of her. The column turned into a torrent as it struck, washing Lust across the room and smacking her into the far wall.

Edward was starting to get the idea. He inched away from the door. Alphonse followed suit.

A moment passed in silence. The waters dissipated, gathered, and reformed into a humanoid shape, out of which Sloth's visage materialized. Lust lay crumpled against the far wall, motionless.

Ed jolted as Lust snapped back to life and leapt to her feet.

"You BITCH! I'm gonna KILL YOU!!"

"Bring it on, popsicle head."

"You see, Edward," Mustang muttered as the three men all but scurried away from the warehouse, "this is why you _never_ interfere in a fight between women."

* * *

**Author's Notes:** That was my first time writing Mustang...I'm rather proud of myself. wiggles D'you think I did well, all you veteran Mustang-ers? XD 

This is one of those hypothetical post-movie fics, where Ed and Al somehow make it _back _from our side of the Gate and are in Amestris now. I haven't explained in this fic yet how that happens, since it's focused more on Lust and Sloth.

So in case you're wondering, "Wait...there was ALREADY a Lust and a Sloth, and they're DEAD. Who are these bimbos?" Weeell, if you remember in the anime, when Lust meets Greed for the first time, she says, "I am the current Lust." That implies that there was another Homunculus of the same title that came before her, which is the Lust that Greed remembers. Suu, now that the old Lust and Sloth are dead, new Homunculi bear their titles. nod

And yes, Envy is alive too...the OLD Eny, the One And Only. XD Why? Because I can totally give a canon-supported explaination given the time, and because Envy happens to be my favorite character in the series and is way too cool to go out the way he did in the movie. XD

So should I continue this? I had a lot of fun with it, and there are a TON of loose ends, as you can see. I had originally intended it to be a one-shot, but I left it open just in case. XD


End file.
